Sunday, October 31, 2004
i hate fags.
okay. before you start speculating as to what kind of fag i'm referring to.. it's fags. fags as in cigarette. the whitish-brownish papery thing that contains lethal amounts of nicotine, tar, sulplur, that causes your lungs to turn into a hideous looking black mass of tissue. -Thats- the fag i'm referring to. not fag as in faggots.what are faggots anyway? No one has quite defined 'a faggot' for me yet, or rather, i have never really bothered to ask. Anyhow, that word has been overused by primary, secondary, and even jc kids these days that it just loses its meaning. even being called a loser these days isn't really that big a deal anymore, at least for me.
sometimes i really don't understand how quirky i cam actually be.
right now, i'm speculating whether this person i know actually smokes. Sad truth is, i'm kinda against smoking, and inevitably, smokers. I think it's just me, but i get highly chised off whenever someone who is walking in front of me, on a crowded path or overhead bridge, and without notice, just EXHALES the whole CLOUD of poisonous -stuff- indiscrimately into the innocent air. Worst part is, the wind chooses that exact moment to come, and POOF.. before you know it, you'd just taken in that carcinogenic air and i can literally hear my lungs going, -help!- dramatic effect if you ask me. but that's really what i feel.
I ever asked myself, would i mind having an other half who smokes??
though i stunchly stuck onto the NO answer, i think i'm having second thoughts about it now.
truth is, this person whom i mentioned just now, well i don't actually know if he smokes or not, but from the 'clues' i gathered, he most probably does. why the heck am i making such a big hoo-ha over him anyway? Sigh, he happens to mean quite alittle to me, at least as a friend, thats why. Then again, even if i did find out that he smokes, i don't think i'm in that sort of position -yet- to encourage him to quit/give up or anything like that. Hms.
And i really shouldn't bother myself with trivial issues like that. I mean, afterall, it's his life you'd say, even he wishes to have the 'death' hanging over his head...
I should be bothering myself with -the- organic test thats in, less than 12 hours time and i still have alcohols and carbonyl compounds to cover, plus more revision on the past chapters. Geesh.
alcohols and fags. hms... reminds me of bridget jones.
and i hate fags, whether its the noun or adjective.
sarah at 2:34 pm
Friday, October 29, 2004
rainy days and fridays...
it's been a rather wet week.been raining cats and dogs throughout these past few days, with the bright cheery sun hardly making a more permanent appearance...
think i share a love-hate relationship with rainy days.
rainy days somehow.. quote from a dear friend of mine, " make you sit back and do a little self-reflection when everything else slows down...
however, rainy days also means more time spent indoors. And, already turning into a boring person as i am now... more time indoors will only make things worse. I NEED THE SUN!
Really yearning to take a trip to the beach and soak up the sun, with all its harmful UV rays which causes skin cancer and wrinkled skin in years to come... and the dirty sea water with suspicious-looking-unidentifiable objects.. i don't care! thats how des i am for some sun and beach volley.
Imagine , chilling with a bottle of grapefruit snapple, lying on the warm, smooth sand, with some occassional eye candies who walk by ..with just about..nothing on your mind..nothing... no tests, no exams, no lab reports to be rushed...
one word. Bliss.
It's friday already. Time really passes so so so freakingly fast. and i literally mean it. Seriously freaky. Shall be facing the dreadful exams in about a month's time, which means, it's time to start mugging. Organic test is on next monday. Ah well, will take things a step at a time. Really envy the secondary school kids who've finished their exams already.. i miss secondary school all so much..have i ever said that before ?
Even with all the defaming going on about my dear alma mata and all my favourite teachers unfornately taken over by younger teachers who mean nothing more than strangers to me.. i still love my school. i loved everything about it, even the dirty fish and teraphin pond, where the teraphins will, once in a while, climb up the rocks to sun-bathe. how cute is that you tell me.
that i was born to try
born to love
be understanding and believe in life
but u gotta make choices
be it wrong or right
sometimes you gotta sacrifice some things you like
that i was born to try.
sarah at 10:10 am
Saturday, October 23, 2004
shedding.
i'm shedding skin.i'm shedding hair. wait. how do you shed hair, you merely lose the hair.
and i wish i were shedding my flabs. Hohoho.
Realised i'd been blogging on such trivial and mindless stuff these days. Was looking back in the archives for my older entries.. the older entries seemed more.. genuine, more truthful (not that i'm not being truthful nowadays hehs.), more ME..more coherent, better english, and looked as though much more thought and effort actually went into those entries. again, i stress that uni is making me into a much more boring person.
i'm feeling brain-drained and alittle physically drained now.
Had handball training this morning with a still-recovering sprained ankle. Ankle hurts quite abit now, sigh. wished i hadnt injured it in the first place while playing silly IFG.
Still not quite used to all the footwork involved, and the fact that you can actually MOVE around with the ball. hahaha. netball rules are just too ingrained in me. thinking back, netball used to be a significant part of my life; zonal competitions, nationals, combined schools, plus the shooting sessions everyday after school that would leave me with shoulder aches and stiff necks... ... i wondered how i got thru JC without it. ^_^ Then again, some things do change, and more often than not, for the better.
Currently reading tom stoppard's on the razzle. really funny guy if you ask me.
spoonerisms. haha. On the razzle is a phrase that is has the same meaning as having fun. razzle. first word that came to my mind was drizzle. drizzle-razzle? wheres the link !? (now that i'm thinking back.. ^_^ ) The names of the characters already bring a close-to giggle on my face each time i see them. Names like Zangler (which gives the impression of a big guy with a pompus ass. hahaha. ), Sonders ( can't help but think of Bonkers whenever i see it.) and Melchior (which reminds me of chocolate eclairs! geees)
Scene where Christopher and Weinberl are in a fancy restaurant with two other madames (can't remember their names, goes to show how guys are generally given more attention even in plays... gender bias!!!!!!) and trying to get a free meal. the dialogue that follows is of one where christopher and weinberl try to hint to each other- to leave after the last course, with the ladies having to end up paying for their dinner. Insolent men. Haha. Haven't they heard of the saying ,"there is no free lunch in this world." Think some prominent economist..oh wait! Adam smith!? nono, Smith said something about invisible market forces which help control supply and demand. wrong guy. haha. Anyway, you get my point.
I'm little miss scatterbrain for now.
Thought that the deadline to hand up registration forms for the respective hall coms was friday night when it was actually thursday night! So as of now, i'm left with four sports, and zilch coms. Had wanted to sign up for -Green- com. haha. As its name implies, it has to do with the environment (DUH). Everyone was going on and on about how slack the com is, BUT, i think if i actually were inside, i'd try to get rid of that stereotypic 'image' of the green com-mers. Haha. is there even such a word?
I feel soooo awkward whenever i meet those people who interviewed me for the respective coms which i, unfortunately, did not get into. Not so much of the whole inferiority complex thing, it's just a natural human behaviour to protect -the- pride , and hence, adopt a ice-queen aka dao approach, in order to prevent oneself from getting 'hurt' (be it the ego or the heart ((hopefully not ya.)) once again.
Well well, im blogging too much. I should be studying stats now.
Next week's gonna be a crazy week.
Block supper. Talentime. Stats test. Mugging for organic chem test. Field trip for bio lab. Lab session for chemistry which reminds me of MORE lab reports to be done and handed up.
Sigh. i need a breather.
sarah at 1:25 pm
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
phychosis.
think i'm suffering from psychosis.Only thing is, i don't hallucinate and hear voices in my head. plus, i'm still capable of differentiating between whats real and whats not. thankfully.
getting highly irritable for absolutely no reason at all.
turning a little schizo.
being super fickle-minded. i can turn on the com one minute, decide that i shall not use it and shut it down, and turn it on again due to this lingering thought in my head that i NEED to do SOMETHING on the com but i just cant figure out exactly what.
smiling and talking to myself such that it amuses and annoys me.
perpetually contradicting myself.
signing up for some things, yet wishing i hadn't even though i didn't get in.
i'm turning into some nutcase at this rate and exams are not even nearing.
the two interviews yesterday went bad. so so bad that i cannot emphasize how BAD they were. Suffering from vocab-deficiency. Am not making any sense nowadays.
my thoughts seem to run haphazardly (which kinda reminds me of Brownian motion) and they come out, expressed in such an incoherent way that i do not understand myself anymore so i'm not hoping that you would. ^_^
There was an essay test for one of the interviews. Had to write an article based on the headline ' chemical meltdown on kusu island', including photos (where do i get photos of devotees and nuclear plants from!?). Felt scared when i googled 'muslim' and 'nuclear plant'. Had this feeling that the US FBI was somewhat watching me and had blacklisted me as some terrorist for googling such stuff.
Geez. Im not only schizo, but overly paranoid as well.
Lots of things on my mind now, yet i feel as though my mind's in a state of mental stagnation. One word. Blank. I can just space out for one solid hour while listening to the radio.
you become dead only when your dreams die out on you.
some people walk around alive, without realising that they're actually dead!
- taken from today's straits times' article on life as a widow -
sarah at 1:59 pm
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
horrid little girl.
horrid little girl.thats me.
well, not really little.
why does horrid have to go with little ?
little evokes a naive, innocent and cheerful cannotation.
verbal irony if you ask me.
i seem to be ignoring someone too obviously nowadays.
conversely, i actually like this person quite abit.
so why am i behaving the way i am?
i feel so bad and guilty each time i talk to everyone else, oblivious to his presence.
i think he feels it too.
caught him looking in my directions a few times. somehow as if trying to strike a convesation with me. but i just continued starring straight ahead. help. i hate what i'm turning into -ice queen.
i'm an irony within myself.
bitter sweet symphony.
going totally lyrical now. bitter sweet symphony.
contradiction. love the song.its so melancholic.
and there's something irritatingly wrong with my R key. sheesh.
never realised the importance of the r key up till now.
r-s-t-l-n-e.
sounds familiar ?
geez.
sarah at 8:26 pm
depression...
okay..the title is not merely about depression alone.The day started out with me hearing some silly stuff which blared out from the radio...
depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
My brain cells are not working well now.. the quote sounds cheem..but i think it has a silly and -duh- cannotation attached to it.
Ah lala. Today's a free day. Tomorrow's going to be free as well... except for food n health lect at 4pm. Shall fully utilise my time today.
To do list :
- study organic chem! read up on basics and benzenes/phenols which the prof covered in like.. 45 minutes? Yelps.
- read finish the MOONSTONE.
YES! i'm STILL stuck on it after eons. Help. Dying. --
-Do Stats tutorial 8 . bleahs.
I'm being all so boring with my blog. These days, all i talk about is stress, depression, exams, lectures, lab reports, tests, tutorials.. sheesh. i hate what i'm becoming into.
Becoming.... the state of sudden realisation that you've turned into something that you're trying all so hard not to be. one word. Nerd. Nerds are cool. Cool as a nerd. How come no one ever says that? Somehow, university is making me sit up, question my aims in life, and make me want to plan and do SOMETHING about them. Only thing thats keeping me motivated is getting into honours... and hopefully ..attaining a CAP of 4.5 for this sem ? Hohoho. Working really hard towards it. But.. will just leave everything into God's hand.
Having inteviews for major Hall committees later at 11pm. 20 over people fighting for 6 places as writers for the hall's bulletin board. Sheesh. Help.
sarah at 9:56 am
Friday, October 15, 2004
comfort stuff.
listening to westlife's debut cd.'I don't wanna fight no more'.
Westlife...my favourite all-time cd. Comfort music..apart from bosso nova and jazz that is.
All-time comfort list..
fish soup mee sua..
never fails to evoke a sense of warmness and home-cooked feeling in me.
chocolates.
milk, dark, fondues, cakes, milkshakes.. just gimme ANYTHING chocolate ANYTIME! hohoho
snail mails
always reassures me that there is someone out there, far far away who still thinks about you..occassionally. :)
you've got mail-
adore the movie. Chemistry between meg ryan and tom hanks is just..so..-there-. I can watch the film for the fifth time and yet still not get sick of it.
Bridget Jones diary
One of my all-time favourite books..including edge of reason thats about to hit the big screens soon. Really soon. November if i remembered correctly.
F.r.i.e.n.d.s
I'm missing friends already. Became a fan of the show only during the last season. U must be thinking..ive been missing out on HUGE stuff yeah. Bleahs. Like the saying goes, you never treasure something till its gone. Joey is hilarious, as always. Man, feeling sappy all over now.
sarah at 7:32 pm
Thursday, October 14, 2004
time.
time.thats the thing that i find i'm lacking most and in dire need of now.
time.
thats the one thing that can't be bought.
time.
if only i could turn back the hands of time, then again, i would not be what i am if not for my past experiences.
time.
am basically a slave to it..rushing to meet datelines for projects and essays and lab reports and what have you.
time.
i need it desperately. Classic-meets-cuba concert's this saturday and i don't think i'd be able to make time out to catch it, even if its the klazz brothers and its a one-night-only performance. Darn.Would probably be too pre-occupied with my work to enjoy the world-class concert with its wonderful cuba-ish classical renditions by the awesome.... you get my point. Sighs.
time.
does time heal all wounds?
Sounding quite lyrical today. My food and health lecturer just added another tonne of bricks on my already about-to-collapse work load. And guess what, the project's due just before my tests. Tests. That reminds me that i'm highly behind time with my organic chemistry. I miss chem tuition back in JC. Somehow, my chemistry tutor made things look so easy and nice and FUN to do. Now, it's bad. I'm struggling. Then again, without struggles, you'd never learn.
My sprained ankle is way better now...and i sprained it..just the day before while playing IFG ? Amazing stuff. Must be God at work. Thanks to my dear friend xuehui who remembered to pray for my leg. Don't know what i'd do without her in school. haha. She's basically my constant compainion now. We attend all lectures together. Only chem tutorials are of a different time-slot.
Feasted on italian chocolate cake with vanilla ice-cream with hot fudge today AGAIN at munchie monkeys. haha. That place is my favourite hang-out for now. Think the staff there are going to recognise me pretty soon at the rate i patronise their cafe. Hohoho. Always feels good to be meet up or bump into old friends. Somehow, the feeling that i get from old friends is always warm, comfy and chummy, unlike that with some new friends. There are of course, exceptions to the new friends thing. Haha. Definitely can name quite a few whom i can totally get along all-so-well with, it's like.. we JUST click. It's the frequency thing, either you have it, or you don't. hems.
Right. i'm talking more than i should. Need to go back to reading my statistics notes, following, theres chemistry which i'm still quite lost, and lastly, my 1000 words literature essay. Essays essays essays. Think i share a love-hate relationship with them. Used to enjoy doing GP essays back in JC...then again, i used to enjoy doing alot of things (which i don't quite like now) back then. For now, i think essays are more of a hate thing. Wait, hate's too strong a word. i dont HATE writing essays... writing is therapeutic man. Right *again*. Writing becomes hateful only when you have no idea what to crap about cos you havent even touched a SINGLE page of the book you're supposed to write about. Bleah.
Shall stop complaining/whining/crapping/being nonsensical and continue with my readings.
And about my tag-board, will DEFINITELY get round to setting it up again...at least till my tests are over..which means, until november? Hahahah. Whoops. Blame it on poor time management on my part. :)
sarah at 9:11 pm
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
quizzes! hahaha
You are the most important person in his life. He
would do anything to see you smile. Actually,
he would be the PERFECT boyfriend. Always
getting lost in your eyes, always treating you
like a princes and always saying a joke to make
you laugh your head off while he smiles at your
hysteric laughter. Yup, he is the person you
were destined to fall in love with.
What kind of boyfriend would you have?(with pics and obviously for girls^^)
brought to you by quizzila.
sarah at 1:01 pm
i'm back. (finally)
hey guys... sorry for the long wait. Got kind of busy with hall, projects, lab reports, essays... you get the drift. Promise to get the tag-board up and running really soon.Meantime, chilling to hung si kyung's cd for the second time today.
The weather outside is estimated to be around 40 degrees celcius i tell you. 40. I wonder how the folks in India actually survive in such sweltering heat. It's too hot to be studying (haha, excueses and more excueses), ended up printing more notes. Think i'd have to change the black ink cartridge again. Third time since semester started. That's uni life for you. Waking up late for hall breakfast. Skipping lectures when school is pretty much, just next door? Sleeping only in the ungodly hours of creation (3am is deemed as normal i tell you). Printing so much notes, such that the amount of paper used constitues to a quarter of the amazon forest? (ok, too exaggerrated here, but you get what i mean.) Bleahs. I've pretty had enough, bad part is, i'm only halfway through my FIRST semester. Geez.
Feeling thoroughly drained now though i slept for 8 hours yesterday. Must be too much accumulation of lactic acid thats making me so queasy and lethargic and tired yet i can't fall asleep. IT's TOO HOT TO SLEEP! For once, i realise the luxury of being at home, with things like air-con, tv, the kitchen where i can actually get to cook food using my OWN saucepan and pots, and the piano in the comforts of your own home, within 10 steps? sighs.
Depressing. No lunch in hall. Thankfully, ta-paoed some vegetarian noodles while at breakfast with my dad, mum and sis. Hohoho. I NEED COKE!
Shall try to get some sleep now. Handball trials (again) later at four. Shucks. And it clashes with lecture. Ah wells. Shall see how things go.
-A sleep deprived and starving soul.-
sarah at 11:33 am