Wednesday, October 20, 2004
phychosis.
think i'm suffering from psychosis.Only thing is, i don't hallucinate and hear voices in my head. plus, i'm still capable of differentiating between whats real and whats not. thankfully.
getting highly irritable for absolutely no reason at all.
turning a little schizo.
being super fickle-minded. i can turn on the com one minute, decide that i shall not use it and shut it down, and turn it on again due to this lingering thought in my head that i NEED to do SOMETHING on the com but i just cant figure out exactly what.
smiling and talking to myself such that it amuses and annoys me.
perpetually contradicting myself.
signing up for some things, yet wishing i hadn't even though i didn't get in.
i'm turning into some nutcase at this rate and exams are not even nearing.
the two interviews yesterday went bad. so so bad that i cannot emphasize how BAD they were. Suffering from vocab-deficiency. Am not making any sense nowadays.
my thoughts seem to run haphazardly (which kinda reminds me of Brownian motion) and they come out, expressed in such an incoherent way that i do not understand myself anymore so i'm not hoping that you would. ^_^
There was an essay test for one of the interviews. Had to write an article based on the headline ' chemical meltdown on kusu island', including photos (where do i get photos of devotees and nuclear plants from!?). Felt scared when i googled 'muslim' and 'nuclear plant'. Had this feeling that the US FBI was somewhat watching me and had blacklisted me as some terrorist for googling such stuff.
Geez. Im not only schizo, but overly paranoid as well.
Lots of things on my mind now, yet i feel as though my mind's in a state of mental stagnation. One word. Blank. I can just space out for one solid hour while listening to the radio.
you become dead only when your dreams die out on you.
some people walk around alive, without realising that they're actually dead!
- taken from today's straits times' article on life as a widow -
sarah at 1:59 pm