Friday, July 21, 2006
straight, and intending to keep it that way.
This photograph was taken on that fateful morning when one of my favourites for the worldcup lost to the home team in the quarter finals.
i sat at the table just across from it, right in front of the plasma screens. But ironically, this seat under the stairway remains as my favourite seat in the entire of Jerry's Deli in Westwood village. My friend offered to snap a photo of me actually sitting in the red cushioned seat, but somehow i preferred an empty picture, and imagining myself seated comfortably under the stairway, enjoying my american breakfast with a cup of steaming hot black coffee. there's this mysterious and antique feel about such 'empty' pictures, such that if i were to tell you that this was actually taken in a haunted house along a stretch of 'fake' houses in Universal studios, you might just take my word for it.
haunted? okay, that was quite far fetched considering the sun's rays seeping in from the glass panels and illuminating the whole place with sunshine and warmth. hms.
and yeah, I've managed to get things all sorted out. My name's back on the class roster for both modules, and I can access my course materials just like the other students in the class. yays.
today's lunch was weird. everything about it felt weird. the whole company was weird. I do not have anything against lesbians, but sometimes, any form of PDA between homosexuals still gets to me. Maybe its the whole lack of exposure, and coming from a conservative-Asian society thing that makes me stare abit too long at gay couples being affectionate. Or simply, because I'm straight.
I'm not fluanting my hetersexuality here, and i definitely did not deny being one when one of the lesbian girls at the table asked me about my 'identity'. But the question about whether I was a bi was abit.. Hmmm, to which, i merely gave a reply of, "I think I consider myself as straight." Thinking back, WHAT kind of reply was that ? I think I was kinda coerced (in a way) to give such an answer.
Thinking about discussion today, it is true that there's a form of invisibility about bisexuals. We only think of gays or lesbians, the very extreme 2 ends of the spectrum when we think about sexuality. And just to add, my lecturer told us that she's a bi today, and she's possibly going to get married (to a guy) next year. It's like bisexuals are a form of ambiguity themselves, indecisive about their sexual preferences and partners. My take-home impression about bi from discussion are that they are in this state of transition- either they morph to become homos, or they revert back to their natural selves, or the 'self' that God created us to be.
I don't know how I should feel about homosexuals or even bisexuals for that matter. I feel sad whenever I think of how twisted and weird things have evolved today. men-men relationships, and i'm not talking emotionally, but sexually as well. Surely, these people should have realised the whole un-naturalness of the relationship apart from their natural feelings about their partners. God gave us laws, the ten commandments, not as a form of oppression, to restrain us from attaining happiness (in the superficial sense), or to keep us away from the pleasures of this life. Rather, it is precisely because of these laws that we are able to achieve true happiness in every sense of the word. And true happiness can only come from the assurance, peace and knowledge that there's a higher being in control of everything.
God's laws are like, a way of life in itself, the way to true happiness. Deviating from God's laws may give momentarary happiness, but in its transience, regrets and disappointments inevitably follow.
I'm not making much sense, just trying to reason out my thoughts publicly.
are you really happy ?
can happiness be bought or even attained by a change of laws legalizing gays' rights ?
Momentararily, yes.
Eternally, never.
sarah at 6:48 am