Monday, May 30, 2005
small and insignificant.
have you ever felt the worst of yourself, of how small you are when compared to those around you, your counterparts who have, fortunately, moved on and evolved, setting their sights on greater and higher objectives and goals while you're still stuck in a state of inertia, the mind of a 14 year old living in the body of someone much older.as usual, went blog surfing again. if i'm not trailer surfing, means i'm friendster browsing. either that or i find myself blog surfing. and if you ask me, there are actually alot of good blogs nowadays. by good, i mean readable, sensible, unkiddish sounding posts written in proper english and yes, hardly a trace of singlish. found myself reading an old friend's blog a few minutes ago.. and looking at the comments and where they came from, i inevitably felt sad and well, kind of envious. envious at how blogging has made her attain some sort of semi-fame, and how she'd be missed, now that she's decided to take a breather and accomplish other (bigger) things in life. made me wonder what i'm doing with my own life; inevitably, i'm finding myself in one of those depressing , don't know what to do with myself, self pitiful moods. compared to my friend, i'm hardly anything much, apart from my physical existence that isn't really making much of an impact in this world actually.
for one, making an impact in this world has never been on my mind. but i guess invariably, you'd be having some sort of influence on the world just by being there and in it, which reminds me of the butterfly effect, only i'd say that it's highly exaggerated that the flap of wings from a tiny butterfly should result in some mudslide or typhoon in another part of the globe. it's more like pure coincidence, and of course, divine intervention from above, i would say.
digressing quite abit now.
i had a good time reading tom holt's earth, air, fire and custard for the past 2 days. it's been my emotional support amidst depressing news of more bombings everywhere around me and i certainly had a good laugh from the linguistical (is there such a word?), witty and sinister humour... mostly through the usage of cheesy but funny puns, italics, a living blade with a woman other-half needed in order to be powerful, Custardspace, the portable door that requires a wall to be used, evil goblins that jump out of a giant cake in a christenning ceremony, a talking fridge that happens to be the sole creator of the (ficticious) world, Uncle Ken and that bald headed short man that sells custard pastries and talks like a Mexican.. and i just realised that this sentence is 9 nines long (and counting) unless i put a stop to it.
in short, i highly recommend this book and i'm glad i nicked it off the 'recommended' section in the library albeit the childish looking cover and the fact that the book is brand new (which can be good or bad depending on how you view it; good being no awful smells and brown (bacteria infested), flimsy pages to handle, bad being, it's hardly being read which could imply that it's not a popular read.
and i think i just suffered a mild electic shock from my lap top.
Help !
to see a world in a grain of sand and heaven in a wild flower,
hold infinity in the palm of your hand
and eternity in an hour.
- william blake -
sarah at 4:50 pm
Friday, May 27, 2005
have i mentioned, i love black and white photographs. took this photo from my friend's blog. Love it how the rain drops are captured in something static, and the whole image reminds me of a musical note with the guy's feet as the curvy tail at the top of the note.
sarah at 8:31 pm
begining on a new slate.
if you've only just realised.yesh! i have an aboslutely, beautiful new template, thanks to elementopia.
though i edited certain parts of the template myself, guess the template's still kinda 'whole'.
well, the first thought that i had was that i was sort of begining on a new slate. if you've noticed (or just), the archives part is gone (don't know whether if it's good or bad) but i doubt most people re-read past entries including myself.
werid, but i feel a teeny wee bit sense of acomplishment after figuring out how (the heck) to use dreamweaver on my own. creating a whole new template out of merely inspiration and ideas is daunting indeed, but not so when you're starting out from someone's work already, merely adding the finishing touches to make it as original and pleasing as you would like it to be.
yep. i feel utterly drained. counting back, i think i might have spent almost half the day just doodling up the template, making minor adjustments here and there till its (finally!) done.
so tatas for now, and i shall blog on what happened to myself yesterday perhaps another time, when i'm not reading my library books, my textbook, or sleeping. hehs.
what do psychotic penguins and vegetarian sharks have in common ?
sarah at 5:25 pm
Friday, May 20, 2005
personally love this pic of hayden christensen and natalie portman together. frankly, i think they look good together. hms.
sarah at 9:46 pm
da vinci code.
gosh.just yesterday, a few friends and i were just discussing about who to cast should dan brown's da vinci code be remade into a movie. and just a few minutes ago, i spotted the da vinci code trailer on apple.com. whoa! talk about coincidence. hm.
anyhow, the movie will only be opened in the big screens a year from now. yep, u heard me right. but i guess there will no doubt be alot of hype about it come this december holidays already. as for now, i think everyone's still quite immeresed in the starwars episode 3 frenzy including myself (and my purple light sabre) to bother about upcoming films or films in pre-production.
warning, spoiler ahead. well, not quite. hahaha. but read at your own risk. (and i'm trying to sound dangerously sinister but i don't think im getting the desired effect)
well, the casting for dan brown's da vinci code will be mainly
tom hanks
as (you all should be able to guess it) robert langdon, the male lead in the book
audrey tautou
as sophie neveu (wonder if i spelt her name correctly) [i had in mind the actress who played tom cruise's love interest in mission impossible 1.. felt that she gave off the charm, elegance and wittiness of sophie's character, but thats just my opinion.]
ian mckellen
as the scheming and intelligent Sir leigh teabing.. aka villian of the whole story.
as for who will be playing the role of the french inspector cum detective, i couldn't really catch the credits after the trailer so.. haha. anyway, i'm guessing it should be someone french-y like audrey tautou. yeppidy yep.
honestly, i'm alittle disappointed with the casting for robert langdon. though i admire tom hanks, somehow, i had in mind someone with more charisma and intelligent looking (not that i'm saying tom hanks doesnt look like either) but i guess one way or the other, tom hanks will definitely act out his role in perfection so i'm not worrying. On the otherhand, i thought ian mckellen was the ideal person to play sir leigh teabing but it seems as though he's always playing the bad guy (magneto in Xmen and richard the third). but i suppose, it's tougher playing the bad guy since men have an inherent good nature in each of them. anyhow, i'm definitely looking forward to the movie next may, though i have a weird feeling that the movie might not be as good as the book.
right. digressing now, i don't intend to do some sort of review/comentary on episode 3 (which i watched yesterday) since there are already ga-zillion webbies elaborating and expounding on the whole plot and blogs stating their own opinions about all six movies. but i must make a confession, i thought hayden christensen to be quite a good looking guy, though he eventually became darth vader (the asthma sounding with a machanized mockery of a body character). but i guess he had his better days in episodes 1 and 2 so.. :)
it is what we are that determines who we are, and who we are does not determine what we're going to be like.
sarah at 1:44 pm
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
to the movies, i go.
hahaha. alrighty, the title for this post is totally unecessary and yoda-ish. but i love it how yoda does the backward-sentence structure thing in starwars.. it's really unfortunately...cute. ^_^anyhow, digressing alittle, i shall be watching the much anticipated starwars episode 3 tomorrow with two really good friends. really looking forward to watching it finally, though like i told another friend, i' m not exactly die-hard fan material, but at least i do get my names right and i do have a mind of the whos-who in the whole series. enough to get me through i suppose. OH. and i didn't know that one the jedis actually has a PURPLE light sabre. PURPLE. i thought the blue one was already quite pretty... but purple. okay, i think i've mentioned the colour more times than i ought to in a span of two sentences, but.. its (again) PURPLE! i was never a fan of the colour but having a light sabre of that shade, that colour is really enviable (in my opinion). [and i guess i over-did the purple thing by making the words purple too. hahaha!]
i wonder if they sell it. hahaha. then again, i don't suppose they do. Kids would be asking their parents for it and before we know it, children would be engaging in (really) serious warfare and lasering off another kids' hand or arm or whatever just because that kid pissed them off. gee. bad idea. and pardon for the nc-16 content.
i'm currently into half a month of holidays and sadly, i'm not making this holiday as well-spent as i ought to. i can't really say that i worked my butts off during the semester, so maybe thats why i'm feeling as though this holiday isn't as well deserved as it ought to, compared to the 6 beautifullllll months of holidays that i had after the As. well basically, necessity has taken over my holidays for the time being. and with that, i mean, i do, what everyone elses does. wake up. have breakfast. read the papers (hm, but i take really long to read them these days, maybe thats cos' i know that theres nothing else to do, so might as well read at my own timing). watch losa tv. take long afternoon naps. crave for chocolates and famous amos cookies while watching re-runs on tv. ...and i'd better not go on. it depresses me already.
guess i should really do one of those resolution thing, except that it's not for the start of a new year, but for merely 1 months odd of holiday.
don't know if it's a sign or not, but i had the mind to learn sailing this holiday and just today, i read an article on sailing in 'mind your body'. well, the article was about a beginner's attempt at sailing and seriously, i'm quite interested at it. but naturally, there's the list of endless what-ifs and all sorts of fears whenever you venture into something totally new and, raw. speaking of which, i'm craving for fresh and yummy sashimi now. salmon, tuna, tuna belly, yellow tail... hmm.
yep. as usual, i've run out of things to blog already.. or rather.. things that i feel i should blog and can blog. with all the strict regulations and laws on blogging, i feel so constipated whenever i want to say something but i know that should i say, there might be certain repurcusions etc. hahahaha. alright, i'm exaggerating but you get my point. there isn't much freedom of speech in anywhere these days, even in the most democratic country, especially with the recent scandal about newsweek, and in anotehr country (where freedom of press is supposedly apparent), journalists get death threats and murdered for uncovering some expose about political issues. being a journalist isn't that easy nowadays.
ah wells. i should be getting some sleep now. except that i take 2 hours of tossing and turning before i actually CAN sleep. and when i do, it's not one of those nice, deep slumber. i get awakened by the teeniest of sounds. one word. insomia. and it isn't even exam period.
sigh.
the sky's the limit.
sarah at 11:39 pm
Friday, May 06, 2005
the reason for your existence.
fragile, unpredictable, transient. 3 words to sum up life.sighs. life is unpredictable. well, i guess this was something that was embedded in my sub-consciousness but it never fails to pop up in bold whenever something bad (bad might be subjective here) happens.
well basically, i'm in one of those melancholic moods, and it doesn't help that the gloomy weather and the news that a former president had passed away seem to add to the effect.
what does it mean by, to know someone is to love that person?
now i'm actually thinking what kind of a person i am to those around me. it's so hard to live a life thats always putting others ahead of yourself, putting others' problems, interests above your own. so hard to fork out time to lend a listening ear to a friend in need amidst a hectic shedule, when you are already sinking in mountains of assignments to be completed and time is everything but on your side. i guess thats what's called sacrificial love.
to live a sacrificial life for others instead of your own.
what then is the purpose for your existence if not to glorify God and to live for everyone else but yourself? the Christian faith seems so contradictory, compelling and confounding at times. i think thats because we, being limited in our human capacity for thought and understanding , will never be able to understand what God thinks and has in mind. i believe among all these randomness and chaos happening in this world and in the universe, there lies an intricate balance that intertwines all things together, and life would not be possible without this balance.
my thoughts are positively incoherent (irony) here and i'm just rambling off my head.
ya. and i have no idea what to say next.
all i do know is, ultimately, there is definitely a purpose for each and every person's life be it now or in the distant future. i guess what's more important now, before you unrevel the answer, is to, as cliche as it sounds, live life to the fullest. such 5 simple words actually embody much more than you can imagine. to live life to the fullest is to live a life of hummanity, humility, responsibily, love, and service to others. that was how someone that i quite admired but hardly known lived his 89 years while he walked the earth.
sarah at 6:43 pm
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
wouldn't it be nice.
the jingle for the most recent cadbury advert is ringing constantly in my head.wouldn't it be nice if the world was cadbury...
thing is, i don't remember what comes after this line. bah!
anyhow, i don't remember celebrating the very first birthday of this blog and i never realised how long i'd been blogging for until i saw the archieves with entries dating as far back as february 2004.
and yes, if i haven't mentioned already, i'm living in a lethargic and limpy post-exams mode. well basically, i watch tv the whole day, and i survive on just water and one heavy meal a day. oh and btw, i just went jogging at 530 in the evening and i almost died... the shortness of breath got up with me merely just 5 minutes into my run. then again, i wasn't conscious of how fast/slow i was running, but i had a tugging feeling that i looked as though i was only having a leisure slow jog when deep inside my system, my heart was beating wildy, and i wondered if i were to suffer from a sudden heart-attack any time then. my jogging enthusiasm lasted for a mere 10 minutes. hahaha. i ended up walking like the rest of the elderly people that i passed by while i was jogging. while walking back to my block, i felt the accumulation of lactate in my feet and for the first time, i really thought i was going to faint any moment. hm. how fit ya. don't think i'd be able to do a 2.4km run within 15 minutes now if you ask me. for once, i'm realising how old i'm becoming, and all the ailments that come with age. geesh.
yeppos. don't really have much to say now. my mind's still suffering from alittle truma from that near-fainting experience.
think i'll just leave alittle something which i found quite interesting from a non-psychology book. reading it makes me re-think of what i felt before i entered the examination hall for a particular paper. hahaha.
i must say a word about fear. it is life's only true opponent. only fear can defeat life. it is a clever, trecherous adversary, how well i know. it has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. it goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. it begins in your mind, always. one moment you are feeling calm, self-possesed, happy. then fear, disguised in the garb of mild-mannered doubt, slips into your mind like a spy. Doubt meets disbelief and disbelief tries to push it out. but disbelief is a poorly armed foot soldier. doubt always does away with it with little trouble. you become anxious. reason comes to do battle for you. you are reassured. reason is fully equipped with the latest weapons technology. but, to your amazement, despite superior tactics and a number of undeniable victories, reason is laid low. you feel yourself weakening, wavering. your anxiety becomes dread.
sarah at 9:20 pm