Saturday, April 23, 2005
letting go.
first things, to all those worried souls who read my previous entry that was nothing short of bleakness about something that i apparently lost, it's nothing really. i just had the sudden urge to blog that day, that fateful day when i found myself losing my coolness and becoming the worst versions of myself yet again over something that was absoultely trivial and fuss free. (ya, whats new right. haha.)anyhow, the decision to delete the entry altogether (though it contained nothing more than just an awful sounding title not because i didn't intend to write anything, but in fact, my post got wiped out twice when i tried to post them.) was to tell myself that i've already let that incident pass me by, no matter how much indignation and 'hurt' and insomia i suffered while thinking it over and over again before i made that post. i think God had a greater plan in mind for blogger's system to be down at that particular instant; indirectly stopping me from saying some things that i knew i'd regret the very moment i hit the publish button. yep. so i guess things are aye okay, back to normal now. haha.
been doing quite abit of reading these past 2, 3 weeks. haha. reading almost everything from newspapers to trashy magazines, to scary and light hearted novels and lastly, my dreadful biochemistry textbook, and i'm still struggling to try finish off the last two topics before tomorrow. hehs. juggling between two novels was something that i'd always try to avoid, especially during exam period. for one, i know i won't be able to concentrate on what i'm studying since my mind would already be elsewhere; embedded within the complicated yet intricate setting of the characters in the book. also, reading two novels at the same time requires you to finish the books within multiple readings, and for me, i hate the feeling of being left hanging midway between two gripping plots that comes from unrevealing the plots day by day instead of all at one sitting.
my mind's pretty drained now thanks to the sugar and calorie filled dinner i had. fried rice with xiao long baos, plus a sweet temptation from Haagen Dazs to end off the meal. think all the blood's rushing to my stomach now and i'm begining to get alittle sleepy. hms.
guess i'll end this post with a short excerpt from one of the two books i'm quite absorbed to now. shall keep the title a suspense. haha. :) meantime, to those who still havent finished their exam papers, all the best for the remaining papers ya!
'i'll be honest about it. It is not atheists who get stuck in my craw, but agnostics. Doubt is useful for a while. We must all pass through the garden of Gethsamane. If Christ played with doubt, so must we. If Christ spent an anguished night in prayer, if He burst out from the Cross,"My God my God, why have you forsaken me?" then surely we are also permitted doubt. But we must move on. To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.'
and i used to think that being in constant doubt meant you were actually thinking and not merely accepting others' views as your own.
sarah at 8:45 pm