Sunday, January 30, 2005

reminscing.

kr handballers! and we didn't even know this shot was being taken. bahahah. ^_^

i like this picture the most. hahaha. it's so candid and spontaneous. like i mentioned, it was taken when all of us were off-guard. (and i'm not going to reveal which one is me.baaahhahah) i miss the team and playing it, and much as i said i wasn't that affected by our defeat this year, i feel sappy each time i think of the seniors and how badly they wanted the gold. hms.

haven't been doing much work this weekend thanks to the perpetual sleepy feeling i get even though i'd just woken up at 1030 in the morning. goodness. and i don't think i lack sleep but why do i just feel as though i havent slept for days on end?

and i have a whole list of movies that i'd said i *die also must watch*.
1. elektra
2. shall we dance (think i might be having a teeny crush on richard gere esp after watching pretty woman on channel 5 last week. hahahah. )
3. hotel rwanda (schindler's list?)
4. constantine! (but it looks very dark. esp with all the demonic looking creatures and supernatural stuff in the trailer. anyhow, if all else fails, there's still keanu reeves. hiakhiak)
5. episode 3 - revenge of the sith. (wahah. i'd been waiting for this movie ever since watching the teaser last year. definitely a must-watch though i'm not a die-hard starwars fan. ^_^)
6. closer
7. million dollar baby (hillary swank looks Solid *with a capital S* in the movie and there's clint eastwood as her boxing coach as well. cool show.)
8. willy wonka (i love johnny depp!!!!!)
9. finding neverland~ (like what the elle writer wrote in this month's elle, finding neverland is a must watch for those who seek solace in the reel world. and like i mentioned... I love johnny depp! :) )

sarah at 8:49 pm

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Thursday, January 27, 2005

sunday morning.

radio's blasting maroon 5's sunday morning now.

in darkness she is all i see
come and rest your bones with me
driving slow on sunday morning
i don't ever want to leave.

the song rings a cheery and light hearted melody. nice nice nice. ^_^

and i think i am suffering from a recuring case of knee-cap problem. had the same problem back in JC but now it's worse.
i cant walk properly, or at least i seem to be walking properly but actually, im hurting like mad. the pain's not quite the sharp sort, it's more of the achy, draggy kind of pain that sticks with you like a piece of gum stuck on the soles of your shoes.
feeling the sudden urge to just drop everything, every sport i'm playing and just rest and mug my uni life away. nerd-in-the-making.

netball season starts next week but i feel so tired of playing. think the whole sports thing is getting to me. imagine being 'hooked' on sports for 2 months already, suffering and suffered injuries from ankle sprains to muscle spasms to hamstring pulls, not to mention my not so fortunate eye-incident. i'm just feeling so jaded these days. what am i doing all these for? in the name of the hall? because of the team? to win? bahaha.

i feel like dropping out of the team. then again, i don't have to. im injured. i should be entitled to rest. anyway, the rest will do just fine with or without me so.. :)

it's 10:14am now and i'm starving.
desperately trying to find someone to have lunch with, or at least ta-pao some 'decent' food back for me. i'm thinking creamy al-funghi, chin chao and laksa yong tao fu from arts canteen, fish-soup mee sua, unagi don, italian chocolate cake.
oh no.

sarah at 10:06 am

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Sunday, January 23, 2005

(can't think of one)

sarah at 5:05 pm

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Thursday, January 20, 2005

lovely day.

first song that i heard on radio while on my way to school was pet shop boys' go west.
i love that song irregardless of how some people claim them to be satanic or whatsoever. and i do believe in the power of a song but, let's not delve into that now.

though it's blisteringly hot out there now and my room feels like a green house (but no, i don't feel like a plant.hehs.), looking at my lovely sunflower (fake one la! i don't mind someone giving me a real one though..hiakhiak. ^_^) never fails to remind me of how beautiful our world is, and truely, creation is awesome.
the human body is one great example already. just like what my prof said yesterday, humans, or rather, homo sapians, we have DNA, chromosomes, a brain, a heart and so on, just like anyother animal has, yet, we are able to sit and attend a lecture on genetics, hearing another human conduct the lecture. amazing stuff.

realised i'd been rather short fused or i seemed kinda aggitated in my previous entries. bah. just needed an outlet, i'm fine now.. or at least i hope so. my friend was kinda shocked at somethings i said yesterday and he commented 'i didn't know you were that competitive'. and i just stared at him. maybe i glared at him but..hahahahaha...it was nothing. (innocent smile :) ) i think everyone is competitive, just to what sort of degree, and how hard/easy is it to bring that competitive spirit out. for some, just the act of stepping on court , being face to face with the opposing team is enough to bring out the gung-ho-ness; for others like me, well, all i can say is, i'm not usually competitve, maybe only when it comes down to how badly i'd want the victory. i seem quite bochap most of the time even on court.. to the extent that most of my team-mates call me a blur block. hehs. it's just a front. BAaahahhahahaha. right. can still remember the last time i'd wanted to win the game so terribly that my heart ached each time i thought of how we lost. nationals 1999, against St Hilda's sec. yeah, and it was also the very first match that my new pair of shoes made their debut. i still remember my coach, the team, and the rain that kept beating down my back and blurring my specs but i couldn't even be bothered to wipe the raindrops away. think that was the hardest time i ever cried, after losing.

crying just 'cos you lost seems like a weak thing, a girl thing maybe, but i beg to differ.
crying only comes because you know the win is, cliche as it sounds, so so near, yet so far.
crying so hard mainly 'cos you did your very best on court, so did everyone, and the team wanted the win so terribly yet, God chose to let things be that way.
crying only comes when you know that's the very last time you're going to be able to play with the same old familiar faces, wearing the same jersey, shoes, and stepping on court with that lovely, warm and comforting feeling that the team's fighting together as one, with everyone wanting the ball as much as you do.

i love that feeling

and that's what keeps me going.

sarah at 4:25 pm

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Wednesday, January 19, 2005

bah.

currently taking 'refuge' in computing fac and trying do my tutorial at the same time and i just realised i can't really multi task.bahh.

had a hard time trying to fall sleep yesterday. think i'm suffering from some sort of sleep disorder. either that,or the bed in my room is super hard to fall asleep on. think all the dark circles are going to come back in full force really soon.

IHG track yesterday was... WOO HOO! hahahahahha.
didn't know how power my hall's track team was till i saw for myself yesterday. summing up, we swept all the golds for all of the day's events... some wins were really clear cut (there was the guy's relay where we led by 400m??) while others were much fought for. anyway..i'm proud of you trackers! ^_^

reading an email regarding some horrible and unjust ban on someone whom i have quite a high regard for, kinda stirred up some feelings within me again. I am now officially declaring 'war' on the colour orange. no more orange coloured pens (throw away!), hairbands, and the much wanted orange nalgene. ok, i just sounded like some insolent little brat. think this whole hall rivalry is getting to everyone's heads. outwardly, we're all competing in the name of sports and for our respective halls, but deep down, i can't help but feel as though certain personal agendas are being settled on the courts. this is so so apparent for Sheares hall. bah. i have no respect for the sheares handballers and basketballers, alright, not all of them, i do happen to know a few who are true sports people , who really play their best in the name of sportsmanship. this is going out to those whom i totally loath, and can't help but feel so so sorry for, and for those SH people who still stand behind these players, thinking their players to be the most righteous and faultless (and going all out with 'true' sportsmanship.. BAH! (gimme a break! reality was painted out right in front of you all but yet you chose to turn a blind eye... in total denial... sad sad sad. ) yeah.. this entry is going to get more and more sacarstic and insinuating but i don't care. this is me.. at least only for now.

also, this is going out to the Temasek refrees whom i have utter disgust for... and whose horrid and biased refreeing on court fueled so much anger in some of us which inevitably led to an unmistakably uncalled for forceful confrontation with one of the refrees which gave a stinking opportunist the chance to pull one of our top players out from his last ever IHG... and to think that everyone in the sports council are all in denial, blinded by one man's selfish personal agenda and are all following his call. seems to me they're all in cahoots. then again, i should take it as a compliment (hehs..like i would), such a consensus by the council is an indirect way of telling us that my hall is a huge threat for the handball gold this year. all i can say is, there's no stopping the guys from going ALL OUT for thursday's match against SH.

YOU GO GUYS! and i will try moi best to learn the hall anthem by tomorrow. yeps. ^_^and i remember the tsktsktsk too. hAhahaha.

there will definitely be rough play , agression, and tempers raised on courts, but NO dirty tactics and tricks from the guys... well, i can only safely say this for my hall.. not sure of the opponent whose definition of even the overused and wrongly used phrase, 'true sportsmanship' hangs so loosely, let alone the words 'fair play'.

this whole IHG has made me feel so much for my hall now. though the passion and love seems to be only for the sports side, but standing on the courts as a player representing my hall, hearing supporters (though not many) and seeing the sea of blue, never fails to bring a warmth to my heart and the tremendous sense of belonging that i havent felt for anything since secondary school.
and i still miss my yellow and blue uniform and the tie, which i used to hate so much for getting me into an unglam state each time i run after a bus.

in a reminscent mood.

sarah at 10:19 am

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Thursday, January 13, 2005

loneliness sets in.

the feeling of loneliness setting in after a climatic event always leaves me in a string of never-ending thoughts, and a tinge of bitterness, peppered with sadness.

today's definitely a date to be remembered in 2005 when i count-down into 2006 on 31st december.
so, it's the end of our handball's quest for gold.

i actually had loads to blog about, all the frustrations for not being able to perform well, the lack of concentration at times, and the fact that i could not be the -it- factor to pull my team up and boost their morales when we were down by a goal. frankly, i had even thought of what to say for de-brief after the match last night while i was tossing around, trying frantically to sleep 'cos of the 8am lecture today. baa. things just don't go the way you'd want to sometimes.

so my hall's run for our third consecutive gold was broken.
but that's not the end.
just like what the seniors said, we'll definitely come back stronger, meaner and smarter in next year's interhall games.

am sure none of the handballers will get to read this, but just to get things out of my system ( i've been feeling as though i'm pms-ing although im not.. highly irritable today.bah.)

to the seniors.. it's been an honour playing alongside you all. i'd drawn so so much inspiration and drive to want to excel in the game from all of you. the enthusiasiam, passion and gungho-ness has definitely been rubbed onto the new players like myself.

to the coaches.. it's been amazing this whole learning process. i'd never thought i'd play at such a level when i had my very first handball game during IBG. hah. and i had NO IDEA what the game was about. even boycotted the game cos i hated 'clamping' and the whole contact/violence part. haha. my perceptions have changed. ^_^ thanks for being ever so patient with the team and with me especially; tolerating my blurness about all the different set-plays and nots, correcting my mistakes however small they may seem time and time again, for giving much needed encouragement and reaffirmation whenever we do something right..

to my other teammates.. it's been a wonderful journey. like what somewhat said, i've never felt so much for a team that i'd only got to know really well during these past 2 months odd. really. though not everyone had the chance to fight for kr, but all of you are important..so so important. just being down for trainings to do drills or 'simulated' games so that the other players get to practice their plays and timings etc... it really means alot. cliche as it sounds, but the hand can't perform well without its fingers.. even nails are just as important. (you probably..no make that definitely, can't walk properly without your toe nail..and i have many first hand experiences at that.hehs.) and i wasn't trying to be corny by saying that.. and it's not meant to be funny either.

i can never express everything i'm feeling right now.
and i'm feeling totally drained. even typing requires quite an effort from me now.. and my Q-key is spoilt. first was R..now it's Q.. irritatingggggggg.

to end off with a lighter note...
school's superly light tomorrow with only a lecture at 6pm. i'm not exactly looking forward to cooking for block supper. ok... i'm in a pissed off mood..so anyone who knows me and is reading this and will probably see me sometime soon, pardon me if i'm super edgy or short fused and give insinuating/sarcastic/horrid/un-ladylike remarks or anything to the effect.

looking at my jersey inevitably brings a wet tear to my eye. i don't think i've ever felt so committed to any other sport apart from netball such that each time i miss trainings due to some silly injury, i'd feel so bad and lost due to the fact that i'd miss out on new stuff.

i hate myself when i become like that.

all i need now is a really good and deep sleep.

but sleeping doesn't alleviate the pain (literally).

for the last time.

geraldine aimay mavis wanlyn ruiyi eileen siqing peichoo shuyun yanyan celia xinwei shilin janice shirlene lizard xiaoyan nikki sarah hongfeng qinghuan.

sarah at 10:50 pm

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Sunday, January 09, 2005

school's in.

school officially starts tomorrow and my left hand is aching madly from the tatanus injection. why does the silly jab hurt so much ? think the nurse poked my muscle or something. just lifting my left arm require a whole lot of effort.

and i'm having big problems with my LSM modules. well, to put it short, the 2 LSM modules were supposed to have been pre-allocated to me and so i should see it in my workbin..but no..i don't see them -at all-..and labs start this tuesday (or at least i believe so). how screwed up can the whole system get? geez.

tv programmes these days revolve solely around the recent tsunami event. Not trying to sound unsympathetic or ampathetic or anything, but isn't it time to move on? yes, no doubt the death toll is incredibly high, but, yes, learn important lessons from this disaster, and get on with life. Life should not come to a standstill because of this event, neither should we all wallow in self pity at the fragility of life. the only thing that saddens me most from this is the number of innocent children whose lives the sea took away indescriminately. really, a whole generation was swept away by the sea, just like that.

my heart goes all out to the grieving parents.

sarah at 10:25 pm

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Friday, January 07, 2005

-_-

yeah. so i got hit by a handball today. a pretty hard shot to add.
so now i'm sunburnt, with a rather shallow cut across my nose bridge right up
to my right eye which thankfully, did or did not require stitches (and so i happily said NO stitches) and i'm probably not going to play next monday.

think i'll probably look like a giant panda tomorrow once the blue-black 'round my eye sets in. and there'll probably be some scar left behind from the cut as well. hmm. no longer pretty. bAahhahah. naa... the looks doesn't really affect me. in fact, i am and -will- attend lectures once school starts on monday. i -will- go down looking like some spastic person supporting my team-mates on court come monday too. things don't look so bad afterall. :)

and did i mention, after all that whining and complaining about me getting outbided and hence not being able to get my desired Singapore Society module... i just got 2 modules today... both modules that i bidded for and the bids weren't high at all. really, praise God.
one more thing, i'm feeling so blessed that my eyesight did not get affected what-so-ever from the cut and from the impact of the handball..truly, God is Good. :)

feeling alittle queasy now. i need sleep. been feeling super tired and lethargic ever since i got sent to the hospital.

zzz.

sarah at 10:59 pm

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Wednesday, January 05, 2005

hate it.

i hate it.
just realised i've turned into a typical ungrateful brat who is too used to all good things such that a tiny setback such as not getting my module set me off into an irritating and childish mode such that i don't even know who i am anymore.

reading my friend's blog just set me thinking and reflecting all over again.
sumiko tan said it so aptly in the sunday times... diasasters only serve to remind us of how fortunate and blessed we are only for a short period of time. after a few months, it's back to complaining, whining, complaining, whining, and putting blames on everyone else except ourselves. why are we like that.

not trying to sound ignorant and ampathetic but now, i do believe that the tsunami happened for a reason and i think singaporeans ought to learn an important lesson from this; to never take all good things for granted and to realise how blessed we are no matter what others say of us being just a tiny red dot. it's true, we are but a small dot on the map, insignificant and small, but the fact that we've survived till this date, safe and unscathed from any form of disaster, be it man made or natural, we should really give thanks to God. seriously.

being blessed is when you do nothing to deserve that security and peacefulness that is evidently lacking in so many other parts of this world.

sarah at 9:55 pm

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sore.

feeling utterly sore now.

sore throat.
sore head from all the crazy bidding thanks to nus and now i'm wondering -how- exactly should i feel if i managed to get my much desired module but at the expense of 700 points.
idea?
sore limbs from endless trainings for days on end.
sore heart (literally) from all the dry coughing.. and the fact that i couldn't meet up with my 2 good friends for lunch and tea, *sheesh* and that i have to keep missing basketball trainings 'cos -something- always pops up at the very last minute... dental appointment, hamstring pull, falling sick and i can't remember when was the last time i fell ill... ... ...

all the soreness just makes me irritatingly sicker and weaker.

and now, think i'm suffering from short term memory too. can't remember when's the next handball training. isit thursday or friday evening ? hms.

school's starting in *counting* days' time and i still feel little sense of urgency. staring at my core modules (bio chemistry, genetics) never fails to make me shudder and the word exam seems to set off a mini panic alarm in my head already. i miss first sem.

uni stress is kinda getting to me now.
IHG games are starting when school re-opens. however did the phrase 'school re-open' come about anyway? it's so... hm. school's don't exactly -close- or shut down during the holidays so.. why is there the word re-open ? side tracking too much, was talking about IHG games. did i ever mention.. i'm in handball, netball and basketball. yah. though i'm not really a ball-person. HAHS. anyhows, being in the starting line-up for handball and netball kinda stresses me. it's not so bad for handball 'cos i know that if i'm down, there'll always be someone to take my place. netball's kinda different. for the first time, i actually don't wish to play. no idea why. the fact that i'm up against EH and TH players already makes my stomach stir.. and it's not that im scared of them. maybe i'm just afraid to lose. however, netball was never quite my hall's sport so i guess what's more important is to play your best ya. ^_^ somehow, the drive to excel and win is diminishing in me as i get older and i'm wondering where it went to.

i'm sounding as though i've hit 30 right. hahahah.

it's crazy hot out there now. basketball training's on and i feel super guilty each time i miss it 'cos the captain's just so dedicated and the team's already so small such that everyone is so so needed and crucial for each training to be successful. my nick on msn says it all now.

in lonesome contemplation.

sarah at 3:16 pm

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Saturday, January 01, 2005

what a start.

had the inspiration to leave a mark (a post rather) on my blog on the very first day of the brand new year.
new year's eve was quite happening for me (at least in my opinion). stuffed myself silly with sushi, tempura battered stuff, chawanmushi, makis, handrolls and sashimi with my handball friends at suki sushi yesterday. think i definitely ate more than 20 bucks worth of food, including us terrorising and irritating the poor waiters who served us, and i think they were new on the job. hiakhiak. thats why i never like doing waitressing jobs. haha

spent 31st with a good old friend whom i've knew since primary 2. haha. were supposed to watch LOTR return of the kings yesterday if not for my dad who hogged the tv till 2am and the fact that the DVD player on the com was down. ended up watching the intelligent matt damon in bourne supremacy instead. watching the show made me realise how scary and zai we humans can be. scary as in how some can just kill others without batting a single eyelid, and zai as in the whole fitness and survival instinct bit. no wonder some say men are literally killing machines. we kill everything from ants to bugs to rabbits to tigers to elephants to even our own kind.

enough goth for the first day of new year ya.

new year's resolutions was never my kind of thing namely cos i don't seem to be able to fufill any of them. hahaha. anyhow, shall resolve to make a few important ones right now.

1. work much much harder this coming sem to pull my CAP up. meaning less time spent on the internet, surfing aimlessly ^_^ and less time chatting on msn.
2. learn to take breakfast everyday to kick start the day's metabolism and namely so that i will not hear my stomach growling during lectures.
3. learn to sleep early, sleep well , and wake up early since i'll most prob be doing a module which has lectures at eight in the morning.
4. work on my personal quiet time and my spiritual walk. realised i'd been rather slack in this area ever since shifting to hall... and that should not be an excuese.
5. stop the whole crush nonsense. hahahaha. no good for the heart and the mind. bleah.

think five's enough for now.
and i still havent caught "the phantom of the opera". heard it's quite a good show.
ah wells.

suffering from a bad throat now which i don't even now how it started. recall : ate sushi buffet yesterday ...the fried soft shell crabs, gyozas and what nots must have played a part...to add to that, my caramel latte and blueberry chesecake could have aggrivated it. bleah. and i just pissed my mum off by refusing to go eat a late lunch (a VERY LATE lunch in my opinion.. 330pm!? what kind of odd timing is that?) with the rest of the family. sheesh.

school's starting in about a week's time and i still feel that this holiday has been just... whizzing past without me really making full use of it. let's see, i'd set out to complete reading 2 books but i'm not even half past the first. hm. not too good. hope to shift EVERYTHING back to hall before this coming wednesday..and that includes getting my textbooks ready for next sem too.

this coming semester's gonna be hectic i forsee.

sarah at 3:41 pm

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